Dark Mornings

Autumn. It creeps in. Rolling. Whilst you are looking up at the sharp sky and down at the fire coloured leaves, the dark slowly rolls towards you. Eventually, it will catch you. There is nothing you can do about it. Soon, you find yourself getting to work in the dark and leaving work in the dark. Another day lost with no Vitamin D.

I am already missing the sun. The darkness presses in on me from the moment my alarm goes off. In some ways, it's peaceful. But I have no respect for it. To me, it has come to steal my daytime. To me, it is the memory of horrendous times I have been through, playing out in my mind as I push my way through the darkness which seems to gather around me and cling to my clothes and skin.

Winter is a time of darkness and foreboding. Dark mornings and evenings make  me apprehensive as I walk along the canal to work. Shadows extend, scuffle and contort. They make me wary.

And so it is an enormous effort for me to get out of bed at this time of year. Even more so, it is a concerted effort for me to park the 30 minute walk from work and force myself to shuffle along the canal.

But I will do it. Because I want the exercise. Because I don't want to be fat anymore. Dark mornings will have to become part of my life and my fears of them will have to be put to the back of my mind.