Devastated & Ecstatic

Last night at slimming world, I put on 2.5lb. Other than having difficulty going to the toilet (apologies for the over share), I have no idea why this happened. It has made me so determined to get a good loss this week.

I went back to Holly's and ate everything I fancied. I had soft cheese with salt and pepper crackers, lamb and mint burgers in pitta bread with tzatziki and even ben and jerry's cookie dough icecream. I bought Soreen too, but I didn't eat it. Turns out that my eyes were bigger than my belly. I felt very fat and I felt no guilt what so ever. It felt great to have that blow out with my friend as we both put on and felt like we needed it. Hopefully now we can sort ourselves out. Today is a new day and I intend to have a darn good loss this week.

In other news, I had a court hearing today. A big one. I won. You know those days where you realise that all of the effort you have put into your career, everything you have given up for it and every time you have worried about it so much that you have failed to get a wink of sleep, was entirely worth it? Those days where everything just clicks and you think- yes- this is the career for me. Today was that day. I absolutely relish the advocacy and I cannot wait to do more of it. The win is like a drug and I feel high.


I also had to wear a smart suit for this. I haven't worn this particular suit since uni, when it was very tight. I put it on this morning and could tell straight away that it fits so much better. That in itself spurs me on.

I intend to post frequently this week to keep me on track.

So... today I have had the following:

1 slimming world brownie: 1/2 syn

1 apple: FREE (S)

2 slices of wholemeal bread: HexB

Chicken breast: FREE

Lettuce: FREE (S)

Tomato: FREE (S)

Cucumber: FREE (S)

Mayonnaise: 5 syns (Running total: 5.5 syns)

Volvic: Touch of Fruit: 1 Syn (Running total: 6.5 syns)

Grapes: FREE

Strawberries: FREE (S)

Lamb and Mint Burger: 2.5 syns x 2 (Running total:11.5 syns)

For dinner I will be enjoying:

Salmon: FREE

Tomatoes: FREE (S)

Potatoes: FREE

Peppers: FREE (S)

Rocket: FREE (S)

Balsamic Vinegar: 1 Syn (Running total: 12.5 syns)

Low Calorie Cooking Spray: FREE

Onion: FREE (S)

I may have a muller light: FREE for pudding.

Pancake Day & Lent

One. Singular. Pancake. A proper one. Flour, milk, eggs, a pile of sugar and half a lemon. So full of juice that my fingers became sticky, despite using cutlery.

None of this slimming world pancake omelette-pancake nonsense.

Self-control.

One pancake to rule them all.

This is the first year I have ever limited how many pancakes I have. I had one. I didn't scrimp on it. It was a beauty. Cooked to perfection (if I do say so myself) and ever so juicy. It was phenomenal. People on the facebook group were putting up pictures of their pancakes. None of them looked appetising.

I get it, they are syn-free- but who needs syn-free when you save up enough syns to have a proper one; and by god did I enjoy it. I ate it with my usual gusto, mixed with an intense determination to savour it. I was only having this one and I was going to enjoy it! I lapped it up. I rinsed my plate for every grain of sugar and I cam close to licking the stickiness off the plate. And then? I stopped. I was satisfied with my pancake, my tummy was full but more than that- I was satisfied with myself. My self-control clearly knows no bounds.

To make it even better, I was rewarded this morning when I stood with trepidation upon the bathroom scales and found that I have lost a little.

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So after all of that excitement last night, today is the start of Lent. I had a think about what I would like to give up and I found it really hard this year. I don't want to give up anything food-based as I have already put myself on this diet.

So I have decided to give up having a messy bedroom. This month, I am going to clear out all of my old law books, all of the jackets I keep in the bottom of my wardrobe for no reason, all of the shoes I will never wear because they are simply too high. I will get rid of my paperwork from undergrad (I have no idea why I have still got that) and the love letters I received from an old flame. I will rid myself of clutter and make my life a simplier and happier place to be as a result.

With so much negativity clouding my mind recently, I am determined to embrace change and to make myself a better person. Perhaps even somebody who deserves to be loved.

I am moulding a new Megan. I like her. She kicks butt.

Like Wading Through Treacle

I have been really good all week. I have stayed within my syns and eaten tonnes of speedy food. So why, oh why, are my scales at home saying that I have gained 2lb? It doesn't seem fair!

Yes, I know I shouldn't weigh at home- but I do. Get used to it.

In other news, I have made a new acquaintance and am finding myself smiling more frequently as a result of his messages. This can only be a good thing. However, in general I am low. Things are getting on top of me and I feel like I am treading water. I am constantly exhausted and, despite being rather busy, am generally avoiding social interaction. One positive side of this is that I am getting a lot of applications done, and I am sorting out my life by sorting through my clothes and getting rid of the ones which now positively drown me. This is extremely cathartic.

I also spent a ridiculous amount of money on an enormous stash of Tupperware boxes yesterday. That's right kids- I am that woman now.

I just cannot seem to be able to pull myself out of this funk. I don't know what's wrong with me. My friends are going through a tough time and I don't feel like I can be there for them 100% at the moment, because I sort of feel as if I am disconnected from the world.

Slow Progress

I lost 0.5lb last night. Half a measly pound. It was barely worth bothering.

To be fair though, I haven't really stuck to it so I was lucky that it was in the right direction.

I intend to be fully back on track this week. I would like to lose 3lb. I have turned down chocolate on more than one occasion today, although I have not had much speedy food and in fact have barely eaten anything at all due to a client meeting at a restaurant which served literally nothing slimming world friendly. I will sort that out tonight. Vegetables all the way.

I want to keep up my momentum- I would like to reach 2 1/2 stone by the end of February (2lb per week) if at all possible. That means eating fewer free foods and syns and many, many more speedy foods. As I love eating speedy foods, this should not really be a problem.

I feel like I need to take control of my life again. This week has been simply horrid and I am looking forward to spending most of the weekend curled up in my pyjamas doing applications. It sounds terribly lazy but you would want that too if you had had to cope with what I have this week.

2 Stone

Last week, I finally reached my 2 stone award. I was absolutely overjoyed with it. I have pinned it to my notice board and my sister even got me a bunch of flowers to congratulate me. It felt great. On the same night, my best friend got her 1 1/2 stone award, which she wasn't expecting and is completely, wonderfully insane!

Things have been OK. I mean, not wonderful, but OK. I've been rather under the weather and not keeping up to date with my friends like I usually would. I've literally been getting home and dropping into bed. I just want to sleep all the time. I don't think it's slimming world that is causing it. I just think that I have been burning the candle at both ends and I need to take it easy for a bit. Work is so insane at the moment and I won't cope with it if I am unable to function as a human!

My jellyfisher friend has lost 6.5lb so far and of course I would not want to belittle that as it's a really good thing- but she is noticing her loss all over the place. She is saying that lumps and bumps she used to have on her body appear to have melted away. Having lost 2 stone, I note that many of my clothes are too big for me (I took 7 bags of clothes to the charity shop this weekend) and others fit where they never did before. However, I still look in the mirror and see exactly the same lumps and bumps as I saw before. I still see myself as the same size as when I started. I fear that this may be because I have always been really hard on myself and I won't notice the difference until I have reached my target weight, which is still a considerable distance away.

When I got my 2 stone award, I lost an extra 1/2 lb. This means that I am already on my way to my 2.5 stone award. 6.5lb to go and I would like to do it before going to the dance weekend at Alton Towers. That is, I believe, in the middle of March.

I also have to think up a 'free food' to take to group with me on Thursday. I reckon I will take my ratatouille as I have been going on about it so much. Or maybe a salmon & rice salad?